As many of you know, my wife and I had our first child about three weeks ago. Before she gave birth, I joked a great deal about Priscilla being pregnant. In all honesty, she was awesome about my humor. There was one rule though. No wise cracks in the delivery room, specifically when she was either pushing or experiencing contractions. I could joke any other time. I could tweet it up afterwards. I just had to keep the humor under wraps during active labor. I thought this was a pretty good idea. I mean, we don’t want the doctors laughing while trying to deliver a baby!
That’s not to say that I didn’t have some good one-liners. To help myself, I saved them all up and wrote them down here. So here they are, 11 things I DIDN’T say to my wife in the delivery room. We also know that Prince William didn’t say these things either…because he’s still alive.
11 Things Not to Say to Your Wife in the Delivery Room
11. “Release the Kraken!”
10. “Do you think you could take a quick break and make me a sandwich?”
9. “Ready. Set. Hike!”
8. Any lyrics from “Ring of Fire.”
7. “Would you look at that!” (See YouTube video)
6. “This reminds me of the time I broke my arm.”
5. “I…did this to you.”
4. “Is that the Eye of Sauron?”
3. “This is going to make the perfect Vine.”
2. “The doctor said you’re at a 27, only a little bit more to go.”
1. “If Kim Kardashian can do it, so can you.”
Have anymore to add? Post in the comments below. I look forward to your creativity.