Wade’s Wisdom: Halloween Costume Do-Not-Wear-List

Wade —  October 18, 2013 —  Comments


There are a few popular costumes this Halloween. Iron Man is big, as well as anything Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead. I always look forward to Halloween, because humanity is so creative. In the last few years, costumes seem to have become so unique and specific. I’m the giant boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark. I’m Britney Spears’ dignity; see how she doesn’t have me anymore. It makes me wonder what accomplishments mankind could achieve if we dedicated this same amount of thought to world hunger.

On the flip side, there are a few ensembles that might not be so popular this year. Costumes that are bound to get your picture tagged as “worst dressed” on Facebook. I’ve sat down and compiled a list of some of these said costumes in what I call, “Wade’s Halloween Do-Not-Wear-List.” Use this list as a guide when choosing your Halloween wardrobe, or end up living a holiday of regret.

Wade’s Halloween Costume Do-Not-Wear-List


13. Giant Foam Finger

Someone at the party might be dressed up as Miley Cyrus.

12. The iPhone 5c

This costume will only end being too expensive and just disappoint you.

11. A Couples Kris and Bruce Jenner Costume

Unless you plan on ending things, then go for it. You know, it might actually be a creative way to lighten the mood.

10. The NSA

Eavesdropping on people’s conversations is a sure way to get you kicked out of the party.

9. A Wrecking Ball

See #1.

8. Any Character from Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Within a few minutes, everyone will forget they ever saw your costume.

7. Eli Manning

Every time you try to pass off candy to a trick-or-treater, someone will come out of nowhere and take it.

6. Homeless Smokey the Bear

The national parks are back open.

5. The Movie Gravity

The only way you’ll be able to do the costume justice is if you make everyone see you in 3D.

4. Megalodon

Everyone knows it’s not a real costume…right?

3. A Giant Teddy Bear

See #1

2. The Declaration of Independence

This is kind of like the giant foam finger. If Nicolas Cage comes to the party, things are going to get CRAZY.

1. A Vegetarian

Only dress up as a vegetarian if you feel obligated to let the whole party know you’re a vegetarian.

What are you wearing for Halloween? Let us know in the comments section below. I’ve got my costume picked out already. To warn you, it’s fairly random.


Wade’s Wisdom is a regular column by Wade Bearden. Here he shares his wisdom, knowledge, and intricate understanding of life to readers all over the world. Like this piece? You’ll probably enjoy these too:

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