Easter is this Sunday and we’re bound to be talking about at least one of two people: Jesus and/or the Easter Bunny.
Staying in line with the season—and a recent late night host’s retirement announcement—I felt like it would be appropriate to write a David Letterman-esque post about why Jesus is better than the Easter Bunny. Because here on the site, we only report the material that people are talking about. Hope you enjoy this as much as I fought to stay appropriate. Enjoy some Easter LOLz everyone.
10 Reasons Why Jesus is Better than the Easter Bunny
10. Jesus calls the little children to him, but he’s not all creepy about it.
9. Jesus has a beard.
Just one of many reasons why Jesus is better than me.
8. Jesus makes our heart bigger, the Easter Bunny just makes our butt bigger.
Obviously some lowbrow humor here, but I had to come up with ten.
7. Inside every Easter Bunny is just a sweaty guy named Gary.
6. Jesus can walk on water, bunnies just sink. Try it.
Actually, just take my word for it.
5. People know Jesus on a first name basis.
4. Jesus and the Easter Bunny both have many children, but for entirely different reasons.
3. Jesus never looked like this guy:
2. Jesus’ ministry lasted three years. About how long those Tootsie Rolls from the Easter Bunny will stay in your body.
1. Jesus doesn’t discriminate against children with diabetes.
And there you have it, never trust the creepy rabbit in white. Happy Easter.